Rest

I have been overwhelmed the past few weeks with more 'to do' items on my list than is humanly possible to accomplish. I have been longing for peace and stillness, longing for a contentment with life that, as of yet, has been elusive.

It feels like I have been running as hard as I can, for as long as I can, and that I have been missing what truly matters.  I have been filling my life with tasks, and not relationship.  Striving to accomplish, but finding that no matter what peak I mount it is never enough.

I have long been under the delusion of feeling I needed to accomplish something grand to be of significant. Racing to get to an imagined finish line only to discover that in reality, I'm on a hamster wheel where there is no end.

I am missing joy, I am missing fun, I am missing my children, I am missing God, and I am missing being able to fulfill the purpose I was created for.

It is time to stop running, I am weary and have no strength left.  It is time to take shelter under the wings of  my Almighty protector while the tornado of this life rages around me.  It is time to start listening to the voice of the One who can make my crooked, bumpy path straight again.

In the stillness of my retreat I am realizing that despite being broken and weary, to God, I am enough just as I am.  My presence is all that is required.  When I am with Him, I am in the right place, doing the right thing, accomplishing all I need to accomplish.  And with that awareness, comes relief.  The glimmer of hope that had long faded within me, is being reborn.

I am so grateful that God never gives up on us, and that his mercy knows no end.  I have needed it and am reveling in the mystery of His goodness.

For all that are weary, it is time to rest.

Let the healing begin!

We have all had our heart's broken.  Sometimes it breaks just a little and the drip of sorrow slowly trickles throughout our life, infecting our relationships and robbing us of our joy.  Sometimes in one clean swoop it is smashed to bits leaving you covered in debris.  There is the momentary, merciful wave of numbness that leaves you dazed.  Wondering what just happened.

Either way, it hurts.

It is a hurt that has a way of lingering, of creating hesitation and fear in our lives.  It boldly builds walls to protect and fortify our being, safe from attack.  Preparations are made, vigilance may set up camp and offensive strategies are carefully planned in our minds should a perceived threat confront us.  Unfortunately, once our defenses are fully in place, and our battle lines drawn, the loneliness of isolation has a way of slowly setting in.

I'm not sure which hurts more.  Being broken, or being alone.

I realized I did not like where I found myself and for years I tried to fix it, the result of which only created an even bigger mess. And then, God showed up.  Or rather, I finally conceded that my plight was bigger than I could escape on my own and I grabbed a hold of the extended hand that had patiently been waiting for me.

God has been painstakingly removing brick after brick of fear, rejection, abandonment, and hurt in my life. Each step toward Him fills me with an ever increasing awe and star struck wonderment that this mighty, powerful, merciful Savior is rescuing me.  I am discovering that his mercy has no boundaries, and that His love is wrapping me with a tender sweetness that is simply taking my breath away.

The God that I once so dreadfully feared, I am now falling deeply in love with.  The God that I once ran and hide trembling from, I have turned to face and am now running to.  I began this journey as a broken, dirty mess and He is ever so gently picking me up and helping me put all of the broken pieces together.

What was once lost, is being made new.  I hope you will join me as God continues to unfold the path toward restoring his masterpieces!